Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it because I queefed?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
