I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
