In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
