i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
