Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
