so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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