I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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