I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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