Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
