why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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