he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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