why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
