Will you blow on my dice?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
