Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize