Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
