so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
