Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
