i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I enjoy the company of your penis
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