I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
