If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
