What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
