garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize