Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
