In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
