onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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