Christians are straight up FREAKS
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
