That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
