my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
