Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
