I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She told me I should be a condom model.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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