Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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