Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
