I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
