it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
