I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
