he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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