Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
