It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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