I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize