You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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