Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize