If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
