Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
