There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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