this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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