Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
