when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
