Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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