he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know her cup size but not her name....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize