I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
