You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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