He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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