I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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