i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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