So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize