i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize