i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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