like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
