Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize