You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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