You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
