i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
