I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
