We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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